Friday, April 08, 2005

Why my girlfriend thinks I do a shitty job washing the dishes when I'm actually harnessing the secret interiority of soap

What happens when we wash dishes? If I remember my junior high science class correctly, the soap emulsifies the fat clinging to the bowl (the same process that makes milk). Making soapmilk is a physical change, not a chemical change, so it requires a lot more scrubbin'. I don't know about you, but I find it a more plausible idea that the soap kills dirt on contact, as a kind of chemical transformation. Add a little heat, and the the magic inside the otherwise harmless soap is unleashed.

That makes a lot more sense than soap milk.

In theory, it allows me to leave food particles on the dishes, since that food becomes clean non-food itself simply by dint of coming into contact with the magical properties of dish soap.

What do soap experts have to say?

A: "The implicit legend of this type of product rests on the idea of a violent, abrasive modification of matter: the connotations are of a chemical or mutilating type: the product “kills” the dirt. "

B: "Roche in Boulder Colorado interviewed me for job. They knew I was the inventor of the Electric Windmill Car and knew I would come up with some innovative ideas on memory pills for total recall and I would gain immense insight into drugs for a cancer cure working on their assembly line in Boulder Colorado but they did not hire me on Orders from Bush and Kennedy etc who want to stifle my inventions."

C: "I require the implementation of my intellectual data regarding the concepts of "0" and its' copyright dollars paid so as to finance this fusion project in Australia with international involvement. Mathematicians become very upset when confronted with my dividing and multiplying by 0. Seeing and hearing mathematicians and physicists tearing their hair out over my concepts of "zero" is to believe it."